he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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