Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
