DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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