dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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