I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
