This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
