ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
