she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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