i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize