i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize