My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
