Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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