What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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