Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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