M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
