So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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