the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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