An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my sisters under your porch take her home
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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