Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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