He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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