my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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