dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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