Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
