im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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