Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
