apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
