My liver just broke up with me...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize