i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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