i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize