Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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