i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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