She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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