I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
