I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
third nipple confirmed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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