Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
