DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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