Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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