Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
