So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
