brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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