new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
