Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
