What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
