My Higher Power is John Stamos
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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