he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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