I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
is wine microwaveable?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
