Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
