I just saw a hot homeless man
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We had to coat check the pizza.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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