we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
