dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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