I cannot find my penis.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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