no. you can't hotbox the world.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize