I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
