so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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