i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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