Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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