i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
