That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
