No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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