As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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