I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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