Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i need some magic done to my vagina
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
