Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
