i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You are a genius and a whore.
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