Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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