apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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