shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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