i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
