So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
