TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
